alienated and alive

I've had a bit of a set back.

Things aren't going to plan. I've too much to do. Too little time. Even less motivation.

Someone force me to do things!

I need to escape these four walls that seem to be closer than ever. Someone?

To have loved

As I run, I feel my heart pounding faster and faster and faster. I'm somewhere else, even though I know I'm here. As I slow down and look at my trembling hands, soaked in the blood of another, I feel almost invigorated. Free at last from those tight bindings that held me for so very long. I remember this feeling... I love it..

Cravings and Envy

I watch with envy as the world flows past on back-lit screens, giggling at me, showing it can do what I've been denied for so long.

It's been weeks now since I've felt that thrill. That satisfaction of the hunt. That full blown joy that I feel when the last drop falls (if feeling is what this really is). And even better knowing that I'll never have to stop.

So quiet, so still that night. So sharp, so defiant. An extension of myself. And a firm one. Not one to argue with. So bold and final, she but held her breath and was gone.

And I crave for that once more...

One more move...

Every little noise breaks my resolve. Every pounding thud inside my head drives me into new fits of anger. I want out.

The blood will still not wash from my hands. It drips slowly down onto my shoes each time I glance down. I’m scrubbing but it’ll never go.

And suddenly it’s there. I’m always awake, but I’m certain I never came here consciously.

And now, all I can do is cry to stop myself from tearing everyone and everything around me apart…

It's too dark...

1.58am...

A silent house, once again, and I'm ready. Almost. I know where he is. I know his strengths. I know his weaknesses.

I know...

Tonight is his closing night. His last night on the stage of life. And I'm certain there will be no encore...